MP-Pistol Forum banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,990 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I have a situation that is very unique and am looking for some input so here we go.



While in Iraq one of my good friends got killed and his hometown and burial site is apprx 7 hours away. I didnt know how far it was or where he was buried so I contacted his cousin to get a little info. She replied back with his parents and grandma's phone number and told me that they would take me in and show me around the area. I typed before thinking and told them I might be able to come out there during the Christmas break. Now I am facing a dilema I want nothing more to go and give him the proper respect he deserves and the respect his family deserves as well BUT..... I have a big problem standing in front of his family when he cannot I have been diagnosed with PTSD because of the deployment and ever since I contacted his family I have a lot more issues relating to PTSD. I am lost here I know going there will bring out happiness, joy, fear, sorrow every friggin emotion you can think of and am afraid that I will loose everything I have gained through therapy. Feel free to provide your input thanks-Jason
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
293 Posts
While nothing near PTSD, I've gone through severe bouts of depression and anxiety.



Even with medication to ease the feelings, there were some things I just could not do.



Speak candidly with his parents and explain your situation. I'm certain that it will mean more to them to spend some quality time talking with them in earnest about your friendship with their child rather than the formality of attending a funeral.



I wish you the best and sincerely hope that you'll find your way through it ... as far as severe depression and anxiety go, they're something that one deals with day by day.



Best Wishes,



Cet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,351 Posts
Wow Jason, first let me say thank you for your service to our country. Jason I know you want to go and pay your respects to your buddy and his family but you have to take care of your self first. It's easy for me to say because I'm not in your shoes. If you are a Christian Jason I would say to put this in Gods hands and pray for guidance. My prayers will be with you , God bless
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
660 Posts
Sorry to hear about your friend. I don't know anything about PSTD. But could talking with the family about good times you had with their loved one be therapudic? Sorry I don't have much to offer on this. I hope things go better and you feel better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,535 Posts
Hey brother, first off let me say your a damn good friend to be stressing on this like you are. Just shows how much you have respect for your buddy that passed and his family. If you are dealing with PTSD it seems to me like going down there would only cause you to get worse. Then I could be wrong and it turns out to help them and yourself by being around ones you love and them giving back to you. I would just be honest with them and ask them if there is anything you can do in the meantime, but explain were you are coming from too brother. I hope everythign works out brother. This time of year is never easy, especially not in this case. But just do whats best for you brother, sometimes its ok to be selfish :wink:
That was a bad joke by the way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
140 Posts
Have you talked to your therapist about this? That person knows your condition better than anyone here and probably has the best advice to give.



That said, I too think that your friend's family would totally understand that you are not ready to do this yet. Notice I said 'yet.' I believe this is something you do need to do someday, but only when you are ready - that day will come, friend. And when you are ready, don't make the trip alone. Take somebody with you who is close to you and that you can trust. A best friend, wife, girlfriend. Someone who can be there for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,507 Posts
M47_Dragon said:
Have you talked to your therapist about this? That person knows your condition better than anyone here and probably has the best advice to give.


I think that is the best advice you could possibly get on the internet. Your therapist will be the one who can decide whether this could be a step forward or a step backwards. He will only be thinking about you, not the 100 and 1 things racing through your mind. If your conversation with your firends parents has increased your symptoms call you therapist today to discuss this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
445 Posts
Jason

I wish the very best for you. I agree wiith the above. Heel your self first. Talk to someone for therapy.

Good Luck, & Thanks for serving
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,035 Posts
Be honest with yourself brother, and then be honest with his family. I don't mean any disrepect here, but they will still be there when YOU are READY! It will be the right time when it is the right time. You can't force it, it will feel right when it is the right time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
91 Posts
Definitely discuss the pros and cons of this trip with your psycho-whatever (psychologist, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, etc.). He or she can do a better job of giving you advice on how to handle it, than us forum folks who see only part of the picture.



From what you have shared, it seems like a good thing to do would be to at least postpone the trip. You could simply tell the family that "I am not up to this just yet..."



It might be better to honer him by something besides the visit. Perhaps:

-sending flowers

-donating to his favorite charity in his name

-going to schools/boy scout troops and telling his story to kids/youths so that they can feel the sacrifice that men including your buddy have made to this great countries' freedoms



But I suspect the best thing you can do for your your friend is to be steadfast in your 'recovery' and getting better.

This may not fit with the visual and concrete displays of honor, like medal ceremonies and military funerals, that you are familiar with. But, they can be just as good of a way honoring your friend.





Good Luck, and God Bless.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,990 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
thanks guys I really appreciate your advice I am probably going to sit this one out I feel really bad about it but I need to be in a better place before I can tackle this huge deal. I lost 7 of my friends in the year I was deployed and we had a real close friendship. I am not excited about talking to his family but I am sure they will understand. I already told my therapist and she said only I know when I am ready or not. In some ways I am but in more ways I am not...Thanks again-Jason
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,133 Posts
101Combat Vet said:
I have a situation that is very unique and am looking for some input so here we go.



While in Iraq one of my good friends got killed and his hometown and burial site is apprx 7 hours away. I didnt know how far it was or where he was buried so I contacted his cousin to get a little info. She replied back with his parents and grandma's phone number and told me that they would take me in and show me around the area. I typed before thinking and told them I might be able to come out there during the Christmas break. Now I am facing a dilema I want nothing more to go and give him the proper respect he deserves and the respect his family deserves as well BUT..... I have a big problem standing in front of his family when he cannot I have been diagnosed with PTSD because of the deployment and ever since I contacted his family I have a lot more issues relating to PTSD. I am lost here I know going there will bring out happiness, joy, fear, sorrow every friggin emotion you can think of and am afraid that I will loose everything I have gained through therapy. Feel free to provide your input thanks-Jason


Personally, I feel it might help you come to terms with part of your PTSD... consult your therapist and see what they think... in all honesty, I see it both ways... going and not going, and can understand both. Just choose whatever feels right in your heart.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
910 Posts
I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your friends, Jason. I can't even imagine what it's like to have to deal with what you're going through after returning home. When I go to Iraq/Afghanistan it's for about 3 hours at the most, and that sucks, I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to go over there for even half the time you guys do - I couldn't do it. You, and all of the friends you've served with in the Army, have my utmost respect for the stuff you guys do.



If you make the decision to visit them let me know if you need anything. We're a short drive south from his family, and would be more than happy to give you and your family(dog too) a place to stay, or anything else you might need. If for some reason you come solo, but want someone to go with you, we'd be more than happy to drive up there with you.



Take care bud.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top